Priorities, or where to draw the line

How to say 'no' nicely, even to yourself

Hey happy weekend all! Here’s a story about priorities that’s had a big influence on Tank. Like boundaries, priorities are one of those “simple, but not easy” things. They take a bit of thought, and even once you’ve got them clear, you can’t set-and-forget.

What’s the most common reason you let something run over the time you wanted to give it? Odds are it’s because you tried to jam too much into the time slot - that’s definitely the case for me. Sometimes it’s because I genuinely underestimated the time I’d need; more often, it’s because I didn’t really assess it properly, I just said “yes”.

People-pleasers, meet Gus:

Gus, super-coach

Consulting is notorious for burning people out, but Gus was known in the office for somehow managing to put in relatively reasonable hours, while also being a strong performer. Curious about this amazing feat, a few of us in the junior ranks asked him to run a session to share his secrets.

Like a lot of jobs, consulting brings a daily avalanche of new things to get done. Gus started by pointing out the obvious: it’s just not possible to get everything done, so start by drawing the line. The earlier you do it, the clearer everyone is on what to expect - including you.

Getting your priorities clear is the key to saying “no” and making it sound fair and logical, rather than defensive or obstructive. What you’re committing to get done - the things that make the biggest difference, the fastest - is the best possible use of the time you’re able to spend on it. In other words, clear priorities, backed up with good time estimates, are the only way to protect your boundaries.

“Fine”, someone said, “but how do you handle it when someone’s just piling the work on and doesn’t really care how you get it done?”

“Worse, what do you do when you’ve committed to something but it’s taking way longer than you expected?” someone else asked.

Gus just grinned and had us practise some stock phrases: “Let me take a look at that and I’ll get back to you on timing”; “I can absolutely do that, but I’m going to need to push back [that other thing]. Is that ok?”; “Oh, [that other thing]? That didn’t get done, because we prioritised [that more important thing]”.

“Seriously”, said Gus, “what’s the worst thing that can happen? No-one’s going to fire you because that one thing didn’t get done - especially if what you did get done was more important.”

Just the facts, ma’am

I’ve noticed over-achievers, and women in particular, often overcommit because they find it hard to say “no”. Saying no is tough in any case, but it’s even tougher if you haven’t drawn reasonable boundaries for yourself, so that you can work back from them.

That means boundaries and priorities reinforce each other. Without drawing boundaries, you’re pretending your time is limitless, and there’s no forcing function to prioritise effectively. Without managing priorities, you will quickly watch your boundaries go out the window.

Taking a clear-eyed look at the hours you really have available, and what you’re really going to be able to do with them, is also your best weapon against the person who’s probably your toughest critic: you.

So, priorities are the second part of what Tank is about. Tomorrow, I’ll share v0.0 of what we’re building.